Building confidence is easier than you think when you consider this:
Low confidence or self-esteem is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The worse you feel about yourself and/or your abilities, the less motivated you are to fixing yourself or your skills.
When we have low self esteem, we place ourselves in a vicious cycle where we demoralize ourselves and then do nothing to change that. We eventually are overwhelmed with constant negativity that’s fuelled by mistaken thoughts. It’s a truly depressing state of mind to be in.
But as I said above, changing can be incredibly simple. Maybe not on a mental level, but the advice I’ll share is good on paper. It will help in building confidence and getting you out of that vicious cycle.
Do keep in mind one thing though: this process isn’t instant. You won’t have higher confidence overnight. It’s a process that does take time.
However, these methods will help in getting you to your more confident self faster. I’m sure of that.
Acquiring New Skills
Trying out something new might seem counterintuitive at first, but you can always look for skills that complement areas of interest. Each path to skill mastery doesn’t have to be the same fixated route. You can deviate and learn other skills that can raise other skills. This technique might not make sense at first, but the next point might make it clearer.
Looking At Achievements And Progress
A lot of our negative self-talk is mistaken in so many ways. After all, this particular technique works tremendously for a few reasons. How is this so effective? Well, when we talk negatively about ourselves, we point out various facts about ourselves.
The reality is those are all lies. Best of all, you can prove them wrong by looking at the progress you made or your achievements.
If you question your skills or abilities you can turn to the skills you are growing (if you take the previous point that is) and tell yourself how learning those skills makes you competent at another skill.
If you question yourself, you can look at the things you have done to justify that the claim is false. And if you have nothing to prove against that negative claim, then you have all the more reason to pursue it.
An example of this at work is my own business. For the first two years, I made hardly any progress at all on my business. I was at the point where I was on the verge of giving up but then I told myself one thing:
“Wait a minute. You haven’t even tried at all in growing your business. So what makes you think you’re a bad entrepreneur?”
It changed my attitude entirely and now I have ample reasons for why I should continue running a business.
Have Clear Values
One other source of low self esteem is the lack of fulfilment. When I pursued my accounting degree five years ago, I can honestly say I wasn’t the happiest.
I was pursuing a degree that I didn’t care at all about.
I wouldn’t say I had low self esteem of myself, however, I know many people are in situations they don’t like. That they are pursuing something they don’t believe in.
This creates a rift in your life for obvious reasons. You have a life that you don’t want. But how you ended up there was primarily because you lost sight of your values along the way. Something distracted you and moved you from your path.
You may need to address that, but for now what’s more pressing is to get back to the values that you want to have. How can you get there and start building confidence? Answer these questions:
- What areas are you the most unhappy about in your life?
- Why these areas specifically?
- What do you think you should do to help you get onto the right track?
- What sort of goals should you set to help you make progress in this area?
- Why these goals?
Answer these in order and try your best to answer them as clearly as possible. These questions and the answers you give are for you and you alone. You can be honest with yourself.
Challenge Your Limits
Another aspect of low self esteem is limiting beliefs. Whenever you talk negatively about yourself, most people turn to phrases like “you can’t do that because…” or “you’ll always be this way.”
Basically, something that states you are limited in what you can do and there is nothing you can do about it. But all that is a lie.
You can change.
You can remove your limits.
All there is to do is step up and challenge them.
Of course, this is no easy task. But by expanding what you think you are capable of, you can start building confidence.
Lend A Hand To Someone
Helping someone in need feels good. But do you want to know what’s even better? Helping someone with your talents, skills and abilities.
This method goes back to looking at achievements and progress. You can turn to the many positive experiences you created and use that as grounds to keep doing what you are doing.
This has been the same case with my writing.
When I first take on clients or even with my writing in general, reading positive comments helps me to keep moving forward with my work.
That’s not to say you should rely entirely on people’s feedback for your own happiness. However, broadly speaking, positive comments are a reminder you are doing good work. Lend a hand wherever you can.
Sort Out Your Past
You would be surprised how much the past can cling to us and affect our lives. While I always say the past doesn’t define you, it depends entirely on your relationship with your past.
For most people, they are stuck in the past.
And there are plenty of reasons for them to remain there.
For a lot of us, we have unresolved issues, drama, regrets, and more that keep us back. It’s these kinds of experiences that can dictate what we do moving forward. For example, I struggled a lot in opening up and talking to people. Part of that was because I felt people didn’t want me and expressed it in various ways when I was younger.
I was able to overcome it and start making videos and start writing because I was able to deal with that treatment. I was able to find my own sort of conclusions, even in cases where they are left hanging. I found my own resolutions and that’s what matters the most.
Sorting out your past is great in building confidence as it allows you to address past trauma. It helps you find closure and to embrace who you were only to turn around and start to redefine who you are moving forward.
Getting Over Peoples Opinion Of You
Sometimes our confidence and self esteem is shaken by other peoples views. Much like I was hinting at with helping people, other people shouldn’t dictate whether you are happy or not. All the same, people shouldn’t dictate how you act and who you decide to be.
While these days many of us say we are open and accepting, we still judge people and their decisions to some degree. At the end of the day, you need to prepare yourself to be mentally indifferent to those opinions.
This is no easy task and will take a lot of mental strength. That being said, this seriously helps in building confidence. You will enter a state where your decisions and actions are based on what you think rather than others.
Read/Watch Inspiring Content
My goal is to provide practical tips and to inspire people into action. As such, I’d encourage you to read more of my content as well. That being said, there is obviously a plethora of other places as well.
There are great Youtube channels that post inspiring speeches and have motivational compilations. Or maybe you prefer more content like this or in a book.
Whatever the case is, this content can help dramatically. Though I’ll admit this is more temporary. At the end of the day, you still need to take action and make changes. Watching, listening, or reading content like this will only do so much.
Remove Negative People
I’m a firm believer in the power of association. If you spend your time with poor-quality people, you will pick up poor quality habits. This is so true in my life as most of my friends in middle and high school were people who pushed people away and kept to themselves.
I wouldn’t say my friends were negative people, however, they did influence my behaviour.
Point is, if you have negative people in your life, they will limit your thinking and who you become. If you want to be building confidence, you’ll need to be removing these people from your life. Furthermore, you’ll need to replace these people with someone more positive.
This isn’t to say you need to have a massive group of friends. Even a single positive influencing friend can make a significant difference in your life.
But what if the negative people in your life is a family member? Well, that is certainly trickier. You can pick your friends, but not your family.
In those events, it’s a matter of avoiding them. That or not taking their words to heart. Kind of like not letting peoples opinions get to you, you want to be building a mental barrier that can protect yourself from harsh words or criticism.
Address Your Appearance
No, you don’t always need to wear a snappy suit all the time. However, wearing a snappy suit does make one thing clear. Science shows that we feel really good and confident with ourselves when we are looking snappy.
Or in general, look good.
If you want to be building confidence, get into the habit of grooming yourself, wearing clean clothes, brushing your teeth and smelling nice.
See Failures As Lessons
One of my reasons for never giving up is attributed to looking at failures as life lessons. When we fail, a common response is to question our values, motivation, goals, and begin to rationalize it. The reality is we have no control over whether we fail or succeed.
So why beat yourself up over it?
By training your mind to see failures as lessons for what to do next, we don’t lose face. Yes, we lose momentum, but we don’t lose our desire or ourselves in the process.
How we can start seeing failures as lessons is being in the mindset of a student. Tell ourselves every day we are eager to learn new things and that we embrace failure as part of the process towards success.
Stop Comparing Yourself
Another solid building confidence method is to stop comparing yourself to others. We have plenty of fantastic references for people. In every industry, there is always a handful of people at the top. These are the people we aspire for.
The problem is that so many of us compare their lifestyle with our exactly and it’s not the most accurate.
The reality is that while we can follow people’s footsteps, we can’t follow them precisely. We are all different people with all kinds of different upbringings and circumstances. This isn’t to say we shouldn’t look up to these people, however, we shouldn’t strive to follow them exactly.
When we compare ourselves to those people, we’re essentially comparing apples to oranges. The successful individuals have their own set of problems that are drastically different from our own.
We have low self esteem for a variety of reasons, but one other point is in our appearance. Much like with grooming, being in the habit of exercising and eating better food can help in building confidence.
In essence, it shows you are showing care and consideration for your body. This raises your overall image of yourself, even if you don’t see any physical changes any time soon.
Along the same vein as helping people, lifting other peoples spirits, in general, has a way of boosting yours. Again, people feel good whenever they do something good in return. It’s why people feel so happy about sending donations to worthy causes.
A compliment is merely another way to boosting your confidence.
Act With Confidence
The final strategy I want to say is to act like you are confident. While it may not be the best advice, there is a reason behind this. It’s akin to the idea of smiling will make you feel happier.
Whenever you feel down or depressed, cracking a smile can help in boosting happiness. It does this because your brain starts to release happy chemicals whenever you smile.
Acting confident follows the same kind of principle. If you behave a certain way, you’ll think and behave this way so long as you remain in that state.
So what does confidence look like? Here are some pointers:
- Speaking clearly and at a reasonable volume.
- Stand upright, maintain eye contact. Always be conscious of your posture.
- Be expressive when explaining or talking. Use your hands to explain things as it conveys to people what you’re saying.
- Avoid crossing your arms. It shows insecurity in most cases.
Building Confidence Takes Time
Building confidence is a work in process. As you can tell from these methods, these are not overnight miracles. However, if you really want to make a change in your life, consider these methods. They will make a difference.
To your growth!
Eric S Burdon
2 thoughts on “15 Effective Methods Of Building Confidence”
You have some good advice and tips thanks for sharing . I have lost my confidence since not working due to rsi in my wrists. I have been struggling to find a job that isn’t manual handling or repetitive work where I live. Which has been frustrating. As I did train in textiles and use a computer every day and now I am limited. Has effected my mood and outlook on life. I do find it hard to stay positive some times. Have to force myself out my head if you know what I mean.
Hi Sophie, thank you for commenting. I can understand where you’re coming from with all this. When you can’t do something that you used to do, it’s easy for us to become negative and to slip into a number of bad habits. All I can say is continue to look for solutions. I’m not that familiar with RSI, but maybe there’s a way to recover from it? Or at the very least be able to do make it not as painful to do soft repetitive work (i.e. typing on a computer). Remember that while your hands may not be the greatest workers at this moment, you still have your legs and feet too. You’d be surprised what one can do with just their legs. Don’t give up hope is what I’m saying. I truly believe there is a way out of every problem if you think on it long enough. 🙂