Never in my life did I see myself as an Alpha Male. I’m overweight, emotional, and not extremely well off, and I can be a stuttering mess at times. This has been my life for the most part, and my journey has been correcting some of those things.
Being more grounded with my emotions and empathetic towards other people. Often this takes the form of being kind to other people and open with them.
I’ve also been working where I can to make a living and also to lose weight and eat better.
And that stuttering mess is getting better the more I push myself into new things like Youtube or being around more people.
But I wouldn’t call achieving in those areas the qualifications of being “Alpha male.” In fact, the argument surrounding Alpha and Beta males is a narrative that is destructive, pointless, and a waste of time for one to indulge in.
If you are looking to grow as a person, the best thing to do is to ditch that mentality for several reasons. Not only that, but adopt a different approach to life, though that would take some time.
What Is The Alpha Male/Beta Male Narrative?
For the uninitiated, the terms Alpha and Beta have been used for quite some time. But in the context of self-help, this is something somewhat new. With figures like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson at the helm, their overall beliefs and what they preach perpetuate this idea that there are two kinds of men.
First are Alpha males, who are viewed as the preferred men around. Just like what we see in groups of animals, the alpha versions of humans are ones that have greater access to everything. Power, wealth, mates, and so on—these Alphas are the “real men” with prowess, domination, and are a force of nature.
Meanwhile, Beta males are the exact opposite. They’re weak, submissive, and generally low status. Even when it comes to ideal mates, they’re often left with the leftovers. For all tenses and purposes, they’re losers.
Where self-help comes in boils down to other “Alpha males” teaching their techniques to Betas. By providing tips, tricks, and techniques, we’re to view the Alpha males passing their knowledge down as a blessing.
But it’s not.
Why The Alpha Male Idea Sucks
It’s Far Too Narrow
To begin, the narrative only works when we’re given raw facts and the whole truth. And the truth is that Alpha Male mentality isn’t actually a thing. Even though there is a lot of research supporting the narrative I outlined above, there’s more disproving it in the first place.
To start, the pecking order that we see among social creatures—like wolves and chimpanzees—only really exists in highly controlled settings. For example, in the 1940s we saw the first study show off “alpha wolf” behaviour and have it fully documented.
It’s that study that we typically form the basis that society and the animal kingdom have an heirarchy of sorts.
The truth, though, is a lie.
It turns out, we only really saw that “alpha” behaviour when the lead researcher decided to capture and lock wolves into cages. This suggests to me that when animals aren’t able to roam free, their overall behaviour is unlike what we would see in the wild. That is supported by the fact that when wolves are observed in the wild, their bonds are more familial.
The end result is that these distinctions make humanity and animal behaviour far too narrow. In reality, life, behaviour, and society aren’t black and white.
And yet many gurus insist that it is.
Alpha Male Mentality Is Misleading And Manipulative
When all you are given is a hammer, all you’ll see are nails.
When our growth and identity are quantified into neat categories, it’s easy to steer people in the wrong direction. Men, for the longest of times, have been caught up dealing with an identity crisis that has shaken up so many parts of our lives.
For decades, men were categorized as providers for the family. They are the protectors, and its their duty to find suitable mates that can support them and carry their children.
We’ve had this narrative emphasized again and again through a wide variety of ways, be it in advertising, parental expectations, or other influences.
But that narrative falls apart when there are obvious false claims and things aren’t going as planned.
With more people having sexual awakenings, some men realize they’re more attracted to other men. Some men will go as far as appearing more feminine or wish to transition to being a woman instead.
Beyond that, we’re told we’re to be providers, and yet most men in my generation have settled with the fact we’ll never own a home. Combined with women earning the same, if not more, than men, our role as providers and protectors is meaningless.
The whole alpha male ideology is manipulative, as it’s another way to spin this same narrative but do so in a way that is soothing for men. It doesn’t actually solve the identity crisis men are going through. In fact, it makes matters worse, as the behaviour that’s encouraged is not helpful in today’s climate.
It Encourages The Wrong Kind Of Dominance
After many studies, science has narrowed down why women are attracted to dominance and what kind. The biggest among the studies is a 1995 series of studies. It reinforced notions that women are attracted to dominant tendencies over submissive ones, but it depended on the context.
Women weren’t all that attracted to those who are demanding, violent, and self-centred. However, they were attracted to those who can be assertive and confident.
This was further reinforced with a 2008 study that looked at dominance in the context of male-male competitions.
In the end, an ideal male in the eyes of attractiveness towards women would be the one who can dominate players from a rival school in a game of sports but is also likeable and friendly to his own classmates.
The problem is, what some of the alpha male rhetoric encourages is nothing like that.
Delving into the manosphere, people find more value in aggression and intimidation rather than compassion and cooperation. With self-help being so individualistic, the idea of working with others isn’t often pushed or encouraged.
You need to be your own man and push forward on your own. You’re the one to move yourself.
This self-reliance only breeds more hubris and self-centeredness. Your growth becomes just a pursuit to inflate one’s own ego, which can often backfire.
In the end, it’s not at all sustainable or realistic to follow that mentality.
What Men Should Strive To Be: Prestigious
The Alpha Male idea is a dead one. Even as other people try to reinvent what it means, the notion doesn’t have strong legs to stand on. It’s more likely to lead you down anti-social behaviours, unstable relationships, arrogance, and conceitfulness than it is to actually help you grow.
What will though is an entirely new mentality: one that can cultivate authentic pride.
It’s something that we see among women as they continue to fight for equality in a world that wishes to strip their rights away. And what they have now is something men used to have long ago.
Authentic pride is connected to behaviours such as:
- Achievement-focused behaviour.
- Agreeableness.
- Conscientiousness.
- Close and satisfying interpersonal relationships.
- Positive mental health.
- Genuine self-esteem.
The last point is most important, as genuine self-esteem is believing you are a person of great value but not superior to others around you. In the end, becoming prestigious boils down to a mindset, some action, and particular traits that self-help has encouraged. It doesn’t need to be wrapped in “Alpha Male” rhetoric at all.
We Don’t Need To Be An Alpha Male
Being confident, agreeable, hard-working, energetic, kind, and empathetic can go a long way for men. If we place more stock in ourselves and bolster our self-esteem in a genuine way, we can ditch the idea that we need to be “Alpha.”
Instead, we can look at thriving by being who we are and owning that. We can look to improve by being genuine and open to new ideas. We can be more attractive by simply being more helpful and supportive. That much is reinforced even by chimps, who among primates view “alpha male status” as those who are sociable and groom others.
At the end of the day, strength and size aren’t always everything. As we’re learning, surrounding yourself with people, having good social skills, and being liked are just as valuable.
To your growth!
Eric S Burdon